| | Earlier
last month I was contacted by the Vancouver View Magazine to write a short article
for their January issue's special wedding feature. At the completion of writing
this article I felt that it would be an interesting topic to share with all of
you as well—especially for those of you who are in a relationship. Happy
reading!
Arriving at the Cornucopia wine tasting in Whistler. |
Let's start tasting! |
At
one point in your life or another I'm sure you've heard horror stories about the
stress of planning a wedding and perhaps even about the dreaded post honeymoon
stage of a relationship. Don't worry, it doesn't have to be true for you if you
make a conscious effort to remember that a relationship is a place you go to give.
So when you find yourself preparing the "big day" leading to the moment
you say I do, remember to keep the wedding planning in perspective. Don't
become overly consumed with how you can make your wedding day "perfect"—remember
to enjoy the process. Think of ways you can give
your partner more attention, and eliminate as much stress as you can from the
equation. Isn't it perfect enough that you've found each other and agreed to spend
the rest of your lives together?
Just warming up. |
Meeting up with the girls. |
The
stress of the wedding can be like that rock in your shoe while you're strolling
through the beautiful country, demanding all your attention and time, and keeping
the two of you from enjoying each other and tending to your relationship. Keep
in mind to plan past the wedding, not just up to the big day. There will certainly
be more to your life than having put this wedding together. Yes, the wedding day
is important, but more importantly, in the larger picture of your life, the wedding
is only the beginning of your life as a married couple—it is not the main
substance that creates a long, healthy relationship. What creates a long, healthy
relationship is what you do after you say I do.
Chocolate, anyone? Like married
couples everywhere, you may find yourself pressured by the demands of daily life:
work, children, finances, household chores and commitments to extended family.
When the pressure is on, always remember what brought the two of you together
in the first place. This will help you to not take each other for granted, which
can often happen after two people have been together for a long time. This does
not mean the love is fading, but it does mean that there is lack of effort. People
tend to get lazy after a while, because they feel comfortable and safe. This problem
can be solved when both people are willing to make the time and effort.
Getting ready for another night of wine tasting. Nurturing
your relationship, enhancing it, and keeping it flourishing takes time, which
is all too precious for many couples. Just because something is not urgent doesn't
mean it's not important. So take the time to have a regular daily chat, turn off
the TV and the cell phone and sit together for a short time, uninterrupted and
face-to-face, every day to share your thoughts and feelings. Tell each other the
little details as well as the big news. Focusing on each other for as little as
fifteen minutes a day can make a huge difference. You will both feel appreciated
and heard.
Made our way to the cellar! Meet
at the park for a walk, treat each other to a movie, have a bubble bath, have
brunch at a cozy cafe, steal each other from work and have a quiet lunch, rendezvous
after work for a drink and an appetizer before dinner, commute together if at
all possible, dance in your kitchen. Whether you're dining out or having a picnic
dinner on the living room floor, make it special. It doesn't have to be expensive,
just generous. The anticipation of a planned evening or activity can be fun and
exciting, even if (especially if) you've been together for a long time. By making
a date, you'll set aside the special time your relationship deserves and consistently
rediscover the romance that started it all.
Getting silly. Everyone
is independent in their own beliefs and ideas about things, so don't expect
a person to always see things your way. That's why patience is golden to a healthy
relationship. There are times when your partner will not respond in a way that
is pleasing to you, but this does not mean you have to take it personally.
Caught with both hands in the microwave. Always
slow down, take a deep breath and think of reasons why your partner may be acting
a certain way. Assuming and jumping to conclusions is always an unhealthy step
to take because it shows your partner that they are not entitled to act freely.
It shows that you automatically assume the worst of them and this can cause them
to feel attacked. Give your partner some time and let them know that you will
be there for them when they are ready to talk.
Merry Christmas everyone! You
are the result of the choices you've made so far. So remember to appreciate
each other for the fact that your past thoughts, words and actions have led you
both to one another. You found each other to inspire one another to be even finer
and more joyful than you would have been alone. So don't wait till special occasions
like birthdays or Valentine's day to get romantic—don't stop the flowers,
surprise gifts, love notes, spontaneous adventures, hours of talking and, you
know, that other stuff. Use romance as a way of making the "everyday"
exciting. It doesn't take a lot of money or effort—just a willingness to
commit to making your relationship special by paying attention to it. Just because
you're now married does not mean you have to stop dating each other. |
